What do you think of this poem?
it was a song in my old band i was in, but my songs are more poetry than songs you know?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSB0NK7XrXw i played it once in front of people if you would like to see it on music
it’s called
Suicide River
Isolated by a river that no-one sees
Bleeding by a river no-one can heal
Red waters gracefully riding the wind
Seeing the spirits of those who have sinned
The sky as blue as an Angel’s eye
Dark clouds concealing the majestic sky
Crows soar above the dead trees
Insects drink from the noxious lilies
Tears fall from the darkened clouds
I wonder who cries on top of the cloud
Listen carefully to hear the wails echo
On top of the clouds cries the harvester of sorrow
A bell chimes across the land
Dark clouds rain out blood
I climb into a casket for cover
Drifting along Suicide river
Children dance barefoot on broken glass
They laugh for they cannot die twice
Virgins sing a tune as they cut themselves
I hear them singing to me…
"Cut yourself and show what you bleed
I cut and bleed just for the need
blood runs down my wrist and out my veins
as I scream my lovers name"
Suicidal death greets me so warm on this river
Drifting through the phenomenon
I begin to hear the cry of the lost white wolf
howling its sorrow to me
What am I here… at suicide river
Suicide river, suicide river
I try to glance at my own reflection in the waters
but when I look I see someone else’s face
Forever long I stay in this casket
floating down the murky red waters
All in all it is good. However speaking honestly I find the first half better written than the second. In my view you have lost that perfect rhythm you had achieved.
Take another peek at it maybe you will see what I mean.
Comments
Awesome.
References :
Awesome.
References :
All in all it is good. However speaking honestly I find the first half better written than the second. In my view you have lost that perfect rhythm you had achieved.
Take another peek at it maybe you will see what I mean.
References :
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