May 25, 2012
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So You Think You Can Dance? First We Need to Find a Cure!
Posted on Tuesday in so you think you can dance | by Peter
The world of television programming never ceases to amaze me.
There must be a little group of men and women who sit around in a boardroom, brainstorming about what they feel we, as the unsuspecting (and clearly bored out of our minds) viewing public would like to watch. Perhaps they make their decisions based on polls or statistics, but I secretly suspect that someone has been handing around the crack-pipe.
This theory could not have been better proven than last week, when I (clearly bored out of my mind) started flipping through the television channels in the hope that I might happen across a program that would either entertain me or at least add a few tidbits of information to my general knowledge pool.
I finally landed on the ABC, which is usually a reasonable bet, given their track record for NOT forcefully pushing such psychotic shows as “So You Think You Can Dance?” ( the short answer to this question is “No..and the break-dancing in a little yellow tu-tu is not helping.”)
However, I paused, hand on remote, to see what potentially absorbing documentary was on offer.
Instead of images of historical political figures or breath-taking Incan architecture, I was faced with disturbing visuals of a large, and quite hirsute man’s buttocks, and his even larger and more unsettling case of hemorrhoids.
Simultaneously dropping the remote, my jaw and the bowl of grapes that I was eating (I have not been able to look a grape in the stem since) , all I could utter was a loud and tortured “EEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!”.
The ABC, may not have succumbed to airing the ludicrous likes of “Big Brother” and “Hillbilly Wife Swap”; however, they have launched into even muddier and odious waters with their new show, “World’s Most Embarrassing Diseases”.
Yes, you heard right…this is a television program that solely revolves around some poor sods case of piles and other crass and, well, just plain weird and scary-ass ailments.
Apart from the half-man/half-chimp’s sad and sorry behind, we are introduced to “Molly”.
Molly came into the doctor’s office complaining that she was having a touch of bother in the workplace. This was mainly due to the fact that she was, in her own words, a little too malodorous “down there”. Molly was feeling quite the ostracised one, and was experiencing a serious decline in “sleepover” invitations.
Cut to scene where one of her workmates is sadly nodding his head. “Molly’s a great girl, to be sure. I just think she would be better suited to the Tuna Tinning Industry.”
Luckily, the great doctor saved the day. He advised (whilst poking around… head between stirrups) a variety of antidotes and medical solutions.
Molly is smiling, doctor is smiling, and a pretty rainbow appears in the sky as the end credits start to roll.
Next week, we’ve been told that there will be a man with nasty looking rash on his groin and a woman who looks like she has acquired a third (and purple) breast.
Can’t wait!
See you same crack-time, same crack-channel!
Apart from the utterly gross content of this prime-time freak show, one HAS to ask the question, “Who ARE these people? And what on Earth possessed them to make an appearance on television to showcase their icky and gruesome afflictions to the rest of the country?
Do the show’s producers canvas the country’s medical waiting rooms advocating auditions?
Is there a show of hands when asked “Okay, next segment…acne and goitres. Where are the acne and goitres people?? Yep..that’s right..Elephant man, please go to Studio 4, next door on the left”
It’s one thing to perhaps embarrass oneself by trying to sing Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” several keys flat. It is quite another thing to turn into the camera and share your case of crabs with the rest of the Western world.
What will the ABC do next? “World’s Ugliest Midget Toddlers”? How about “So You Think You Can Vomit?”.
The next episode will be running at 9:30 EST next Wednesday, and I thought I would never see the day, but I will be tuning into the “O’Reilly Factor” which shares the same time slot on the Fox News Channel.
God help us all!
Kylie Evans
http://www.articlesbase.com/television-articles/so-you-think-you-can-dance-first-we-need-to-find-a-cure-679019.html
I need a good first dance song for my wedding – something alternative like matchbox 20, green day, cure, etc?
Want something different and love the bands listed above. Any suggestions?
Could I have this dance for the rest of my life? anne murry
CHances are? Bob Segar
References :
Cranberries – linger
If you, if you could return, don’t let it burn, don’t let it fade.
I’m sure I’m not being rude, but it’s just your attitude,
It’s tearing me apart, It’s ruining everything.
I swore, I swore I would be true, and honey, so did you.
So why were you holding her hand? Is that the way we stand?
Were you lying all the time? Was it just a game to you?
But I’m in so deep. You know I’m such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?
Oh, I thought the world of you.
I thought nothing could go wrong,
But I was wrong. I was wrong.
If you, if you could get by, trying not to lie,
Things wouldn’t be so confused and I wouldn’t feel so used,
But you always really knew, I just wanna be with you.
But I’m in so deep. You know I’m such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?
And I’m in so deep. You know I’m such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?
You know I’m such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?
References :
Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) by Green Day
References :
I wouldn’t suggest Green Day, even though I like them. If you want a really cute, somewhat sappy love song, then consider "Stolen" by Dashboard Confessional. I think it would be a very appropriate upbeat song for a wedding- it would be great to dance to.
References :
On iTunes under music, check out their Essentials. They have catagories of songs by artist, genre, mood, etc. They have one called Indie Wedding that has 74 songs from artists like the ones you mentioned.
References :
Death cab for cuite: I will follow you into the dark
Plain White Teas: Hey There Delihla
References :
It’s Oh So Quiet by Bjork or Ask by the Smiths.
References :
Everything by Lifehouse
find me here
and speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
you are the light
that’s leading me
to the place
where I find peace again
you are the strength
that keeps me walking
you are the hope
that keeps me trusting
you are the life
to my soul
you are my purpose
you’re everything
and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this yeah
you calm the storms
and you give me rest
you hold me in your hands
you won’t let me fall
you still my heart
and you take my breath away
would you take me in
take me deeper now
and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
cause you’re all I want
you’re all I need
you’re everything
everything
you’re all I want
you’re all I need
you’re everything
everything
you’re all I want
you’re all I need
you’re everything
everything
you’re all I want
you’re all I need
you’re everything
everything
and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
Love Of My Life by Santana
Where you are, that’s where I wanna be
And through your eyes, all the things I wanna see
And in the night, you are my dream
You’re everything to me
Chorus:
You’re the love of my life
And the breath in my prayers
Take my hand, lead me there
I can’t forget the taste of your mouth
From your lips the heavens pour out
I can’t forget when we are one
With you alone I am free
Bridge:
Everyday, every night, you alone
You’re the love of my life
Everyday, every night, you alone,
You’re the love of my life
Outro:
We go dancing in the moonlight
With the starlight in your eyes
We go dancing till the sunrise
You and me we’re gonna dance, dance, dance
References :
What about Smooth by Rob Thomas and Santana? Well if you don’t mind it being a little fast.
http://slim451.imeem.com/music/7HO640OH/smooth/
References :
Wow, everyone gave good songs & someone gave thumbs down on them all? I’ll expect one too, but I’d suggest "Love Song" by Cure or 311, "Follow Me" Uncle Cracker, "Never Let You Go" Third Eye Blind, "Buddy Holly" by Weezer, "Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls, "RollerCoaster" by the ChillPeppers, "ExtraOrdinary" by BetterthanEzra – just love that one!
References :
KROQ listener
The Luckiest by Ben Folds.
References :
"Better Together" Jack Johnson
"Can’t Get Enough of You Baby" SmashMouth
References :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMqPFukd8g8
References :